What if this might change your life?

My world has completely changed since I discovered Strengths. It has significantly improved my own relationships with the people I love most. As part of my training to become a Certified Strengths Coach ALL of my close family and friends took the Clifton StrengthsFinder assessment to discover their strengths.

This is just a snapshot of what we learned:

My Husband is in my Blind Spots

Firstly, my husband. Who for many years I have loved dearly but is also someone I’ve often wanted to strangle on a regular basis. No surprise to find that ALL of his strengths sit in my Blind Spots. Which means that all my areas of non-strengths are his strengths and amazingly the reverse was also true for him. Those are the ones that you cannot see that frustrate you on a regular basis. Go figure.

As someone with the strength of an Arranger I don’t like routine, so picture one morning, on waking early, I decide to go for a run. When I get home I decide I’m going to juice some fruit for breakfast and start preparing it. Husband comes down at 7.55am and asks me, clearly frustrated: ‘what are you doing? It’s nearly 8am and I always get my breakfast ready where you are standing.’ No surprise that his number one strength is Consistency which means he loves routine. I cannot see this perspective because for me it does not inform my view of the world. My view of the world is informed by my own strengths. By understanding this I have been able to broaden my perspective. He is now my adviser when it comes to considering fairness and what is right and wrong because he sees this and views it much better than I do.

Strengths dramatically improved our relationship and changed our view of our frustrations with each other.

My Mum always gets things done

My mother has Strengths which are off the scale when it comes to getting stuff done. She starts and ends her day based on what she has achieved and isn’t happy unless things are being ticked off her list on a daily basis in all areas of her life, either work or personal. That’s because her strengths have such a strong need – a need to achieve! She has taken these strengths for granted her entire life. Which we often do because our strengths come so naturally us. What we don’t understand is that so many people around us are in awe of our natural ability to do things so incredibly well that we don’t see it for ourselves. Now I understand why she inspired me to drive myself harder and today I credit her with my natural ability to achieve.

My brother has the weight of the world on his shoulders

I have two brothers and this one is a year younger than me. He has all relationship strengths in his top 5 Strengths and it’s a heavy burden for him to carry because he is always trying to keep everyone happy. He has always been the quiet calming influence that has helped our family stay grounded and I credit this to amazing strength of Adaptability. He might come across to some as a bit laid back but he is actually unflappable and the coolest, calmest person I know in a crisis because he lives in the moment.

My youngest brother has friends everywhere

This one has Woo (which stands for Winning Others Over) along with Adaptability. He has friends all over the world, is always traveling and changes his life on a day to day basis. As someone with Realtor I used to think he was insincere because of his Woo. He used to think I was too intense because I am a Relator. Now we recognise these strengths in each other and are much closer because of it.

My little sister finds it hard to say no

She is one of the most responsible, committed people I know. Because she also has the strength of Relator this intensifies holding her values dear and she looks for honestly and loyalty out of her relationships and friendships. Although we are 10 years apart I believe because of our strengths we have a unique bond that holds us together. It’s amazing how much we get each other’s strengths. The other day she told me I ‘never do anything by halves’ which describes my strength of Maximiser to a tee in that I am always striving to be and do my best.

My Dad is Mr Positivity

I’ve always known that my Dad looks on the bright side, is quick to smile and finds humour in all situations. When I saw his strengths report I realized why he has always been such a pillar of strength to me. He IS that person that I go to when I need reassurance that everything will be ok and work out because he can lighten the spirits of those around him with his enthusiasm and optimism. His world view is contagious.

In writing this article there are so many people who have supported me on this journey who, for this particular piece, I have missed out. Not for any other reason than this post could be the equivalent of a book if I carried on. They have all done the Clifton Strengths Finder assessment and discovered their strengths and are, as a result, in a better place for knowing them.

For so many people this is something they take, look at and then stick in a drawer. Don’t be that person because what if it might change your life? What if it might change your relationships? With your partner, your siblings or in my case my entire family. It might connect you with the brother you thought you had nothing in common with, help you understand why your parent pushed you so hard when you were growing up, or see your partner in a different way when you had almost given up.